A Word from the Field: Trust vs. Adversarialism in Real Estate (or Life in general)

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In my experience, I have dealt with listing agents who did a super job of representing their sellers without taking an adversarial position with the party on the other side of the transaction. However, as with anything, there are those who do make adversarialism a part of their business practice. Some call it “posturing,” others might call it “positioning.” Either way, this approach to business infuses negativity into the transaction and it adds a dimension of distrust, which slows the process down or kills it and becomes a draining experience for all involved. If you have ever read the book The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey, then you can understand the point I am making.

There should be a meeting of the minds. A seller wants to sell, a buyer wants to buy, and in the case where there is financing, a lender wants to lend. Sometimes, negotiations break down when the representatives for each of these parties cannot work together in order to identify and resolve the core issues that prevent the transaction from moving forward, or perhaps a representative is just “following orders” and does not consider ways to keep a transaction moving forward in a way that does not cause adversarialism to enter into the transaction. It is possible to accomplish this while keeping their parties’ interests protected. In this new age of real estate, mutual trust, respect, and transparency rule the day.

Hard ball tactics are a thing of the past, and to excel in these changing times, buyers and sellers would do well to find their own representatives that understand how to approach negotiations in an honorable way for the best win/win outcome. Otherwise, no one wins and everyone loses…time, money, energy. The way to accomplish this is to consider applying the 13 Behaviors of a High Trust Leader (Covey 2006):

1. Straight Talk

“Be honest. Tell the truth. Let people know where you stand. Use simple language. Call things what they are. Demonstrate integrity. Don‘t manipulate people nor distort facts. Don‘t spin the truth. Don‘t leave false impressions.”

2. Demonstrate Respect

“Genuinely care for others. Show you care. Respect the dignity of every person and every role. Treat everyone with respect, especially those who can‘t do anything for you. Show kindness in the little things. Don‘t fake caring. Don‘t attempt to be ‘efficient’ with people.”

3. Create Transparency

“Tell the truth in a way people can verify. Get real and genuine. Be open and authentic. Err on the side of disclosure. Operate on the premise of, “What you see is what you get.” Don‘t have hidden agendas. Don‘t hide information.”

4. Right Wrongs

“Make things right when you‘re wrong. Apologize quickly. Make restitution where possible. Practice “service recoveries.” Demonstrate personal humility. Don‘t cover things up. Don‘t let personal pride get in the way of doing the right thing.”

5. Show Loyalty

“Give credit to others. Speak about people as if they were present. Represent others who aren‘t there to speak for themselves. Don‘t badmouth others behind their backs. Don‘t disclose others‘ private information.”

6. Get Results

“Establish a track record of results. Get the right things done. Make things happen. Accomplish what you‘re hired to do. Be on time and within budget. Don‘t over-promise and under-deliver. Don‘t make excuses for not delivering.”

7. Get Better

“Continuously improve. Increase your capabilities. Be a constant learner. Develop feedback systems–both formal and informal. Act upon the feedback you receive. Thank people for feedback. Don‘t consider yourself above feedback. Don‘t assume your knowledge and skills will be sufficient for tomorrow‘s challenges.”

8. Confront Reality

“Take issues head on, even the ‘undiscussables.’ Address the tough stuff directly. Acknowledge the unsaid. Lead out courageously in conversation. Remove the ‘sword from their hands.’ Don‘t skirt the real issues. Don‘t bury your head in the sand.”

9. Discuss Expectations

“Disclose and reveal expectations. Discuss them. Validate them. Renegotiate them if needed and possible. Don‘t violate expectations. Don‘t assume that expectations are clear or shared.”

10. Practice Accountability

“Hold yourself accountable. Hold others accountable. Take responsibility for results. Be clear on how you‘ll communicate how you‘re doing–and how others are doing. Don‘t avoid or shirk responsibility. Don‘t blame others or point fingers when things go wrong.”

11. Listen First

“Listen before you speak. Understand. Diagnose. Listen with your ears…and your eyes and heart. Find out what the most important behaviors are to the people you‘re working with. Don‘t assume you know what matters most to others. Don‘t presume you have all the answers–or all the questions.”

12. Keep Commitments

“Say what you‘re going to do. Then do what you say you‘re going to do. Make commitments carefully and keep them at all costs. Make keeping commitments the symbol of your honor. Don‘t break confidences. Don‘t attempt to ‘PR’ your way out of a commitment you‘ve broken.”

13. Extend Trust (smart trust)

“Demonstrate a propensity to trust. Extend trust abundantly to those who have earned your trust. Extend trust conditionally to those who are earning your trust. Learn how to appropriately extend trust to others based on the situation, risk, and character/competence of the people involved. But have a propensity to trust. Don‘t withhold trust because there is risk involved.”

I have come to recognize the 13 Behaviors as a benchmark of character and competence that equates to a high degree of trustworthiness in all areas of life–business or personal. These 13 Behaviors can be used to measure any situation to clearly see where shortfalls are occurring not only with others, but also within ourselves, and when we take the necessary steps to change and make it better–great things happen.

Tagged as: Commercial, Residential, Sustainable Community, Sustainable Culture